SENSE: The Practice of Leading from the Inside Out

This is the second article introducing SOFT Leadership. If you missed the first one, start here: What is SOFT Leadership?

Most of us were never taught to lead from the inside out. We were taught to lead from the outside in. From the strategy deck, the quarterly target, the expectations of the board, the pressure of the room. From everything except the one source of intelligence that is always available to us and almost never consulted first.

Ourselves.

Sense is the first phase of SOFT Leadership. And it is, in my experience, the one that changes everything else.

What Sense actually is

Sense is not intuition as mysticism. I know that word can make people uncomfortable, especially in a business context, so let me be clear about what I mean.

Sense is awareness. It is the practice of reading your own signals before you act. Before you agree to something. Before you make a decision. Before you walk into a room and lead a team through a moment that matters.

Your body is constantly communicating with you. That tightness in your chest before a meeting you already know is going to go badly. The flatness you feel when you say yes to something your gut is saying no to. The lightness in your body when something is genuinely aligned. These are not random feelings. They are data. And for most of my career, I ignored them completely.

What ignoring your signals actually costs

I used to pride myself on pushing through despite exhaustion. On being decisive even when something felt off. On not letting emotion get in the way of the job.

What I didn't understand then is that there is a difference between emotion and intelligence. What I was dismissing as emotion was actually my nervous system trying to tell me something my rational mind hadn't caught up to yet.

I said yes to partnerships that felt “off” from the first conversation. I stayed in dynamics that felt wrong for far longer than I should have. I made decisions at speed, from urgency, because the room demanded it, because everyone was watching, because pausing felt like weakness.

Every time I overrode that signal, there was a cost. Not always immediately. Sometimes it showed up weeks later in a deal that fell apart, a hire that didn't work, a strategy that looked good on paper and felt hollow in practice. The signal had been right all along. I just hadn't been listening.

The practice of Sense

Sense does not require a meditation retreat or an hour of journaling every morning. It requires one question, asked honestly, before you act.

Does this expand me, or contract me?

That is it. Ten seconds. A breath. A moment of genuine checking in before you commit to something. Not, is this logical. Not, will this look good. Does this feel right in my body?

Over time, that question becomes a habit. And that habit becomes one of the most reliable leadership tools you will ever develop, because it is always honest. Your body does not perform for an audience. It does not tell you what you want to hear. It tells you the truth, if you are willing to slow down long enough to listen.

I have made some of the best decisions of my career from that question. And I have avoided some costly ones too.

Why this matters for the people you lead

Sense is not just a personal practice. It is a leadership one.

When you are attuned to your own signals, you become attuned to the signals of the people around you. You notice the tension in a room before it becomes a problem. You sense when someone on your team is not okay before they say it. You read the emotional temperature of a conversation and respond to what is actually happening, not just what is being said.

That kind of awareness builds trust. Not because you have all the answers, but because people feel felt by you. And that is one of the most powerful things a leader can offer.

Where to start

Before your next important decision, pause. Place a hand on your chest if it helps. Take one slow breath. And ask yourself, honestly: does this feel like expansion or contraction?

You do not have to act on the answer immediately. Just notice it. Start there.

Business is human, and the future of leadership is SOFT.

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Next in this series: Open — why making space is one of the most underrated leadership skills you have.